my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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