I accidentally burped into my bong.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just cropdusted the office
my shit smells like andre
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
