Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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