she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
