Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
