Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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