I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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