So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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