What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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