god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
