a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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