I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
