Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
