We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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