you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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