i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
