i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
