Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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