hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
