8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
