Your tits are I can't wait for
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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