Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
