Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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