i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
