what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
