So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
