Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
