bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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