what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
