My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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