Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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