does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
