theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I did not marry a roomba.
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