I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
