if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
