white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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