Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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