tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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