I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
