Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
