You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
