I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
