if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
