I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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