I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
