We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
