Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
