have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
