Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
