Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
