I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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